YOUR EMOTIONAL SURVIVAL PATTERN

YOU HAVE
An Abandoned emotional survival pattern if the people you trusted would take care of you as a child did the opposite. If you never received empathy, nurturing, or sustenance from a parent(s) on an emotional level, you will have issues with trusting others in relationship. You will hide behind an emotional wall to protect yourself. You will tend to be suspicious, testing people to see how you will be received. You tend to be confrontational, with clear boundaries and limits. The hallmark of an emotionally abandoned person will be to "cut losses and move on."

An Extension emotional survival pattern if you continually check out others' intentions. Extension style people are objects of their parents. The child becomes an extension of what the parent(s) wished they could be. The message to extensions when they were growing up is that who you are is unimportant; your uniqueness is not valued and you must act in ways that make others around you happy. Your value came from learning how to win approval from others. You do not know how to nurture yourself, and as a result, become panicked and angry when others do not nurture you when you have tried so hard to please them. Your fear both isolation and being taken over by others. You feel like a piece of Swiss cheese with people running in and out of your life because you do not know how to set limits or make boundaries.

A Specialized emotional survival pattern if one or both parents became overly involved and intrusive in your life when you were growing up. If you needed to become the confidant of a parent(s), had family "secrets," inappropriate touching, and some sexual undercurrents in the relationship with a parent(s) this style pertains to you. A general pattern of withdrawal and then withholding emotions extends to others if they are going to be intrusive, make demands, or threaten the withholding of love. You become a "blank screen" and communicate feelings on a "need to know" basis. You don't like to follow the rules. You escape by being vague. Making deep commitments feels threatening. "Happiness is the absence of hassle."

For more information and a free telephone consult, feel free to call (707) 765-3995 and schedule a time for you begin to know yourself more fully and have more intimacy with others in your life.
e-mail: Christine @thelightfoundation.org